Hello Darlings, this post is going to be a bit out of the norm, but I would like to take you on a trip down the rabbit Shelly-Raptor hole.
(It’s going to be a long trip, so if you aren’t in the mood to read, please go play at Pinterest. I just need to post this for my sake. )
Today is a low day, and I hope I do manage to explain this well enough.
Low Day: noun, a period of time, consisting of constant unhappiness, cloudiness, and depression. Symptoms include, but are not limited to: Lack of Appetite, Over Sleeping, Low Self Image and Anxiety.
High Day: noun, a period of time, where Shelly Raptors (see: Shelly-Raptor) are hyper, happy, and outgoing. Inability to sleep, relax, and focus mentally, are known symptoms.
Like most little Shelly Raptors, I have my highs and lows, and I do have some trouble keeping myself in check. At this point in my young raptor life, I have learned to deal with it myself. Although, I have been known to see a doctor or two, when my lows take over too long.
I can not stress enough, how important it is to know when you need help and Seek out the help you need!
It is never a sign of weakness.
Throughout my entire life, and trust me when I say it hasn’t been that long, I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder and Depression. For those that don’t know, Bi-Polar Disorder is usually the first thing diagnosed for children, if not depression quickly afterwards. My mother was told that her youngest daughter suffered from Bi-Polar Disorder, because I was CLEARLY showing the warning signs. I demonstrated clear Manic moods (cleaning/organizing the pantry at 3am and inability to control my temper) and I also demonstrated clear depression (sleeping for more than 12 hours/day, thoughts of suicide, and cutting) in my early teens.
The science world has come leaps and bounds since I first had to deal with a psychiatrist, when it comes to properly diagnosing these very serious conditions. I’m happy to hear that they are consistently improving how to evaluate children, specifically because if managed at a young age, the chance of a happier life improves greatly. I encourage all parents, who feel like their children need assistance, seek professional help from doctors who specialize in this sort of thing. It will save your child’s life.
To give you a glimpse into a time I barely remember, I will try to provide as many “symptoms” I actually had, and I hope this helps any parent and child that might not realize they DO need help. If you suspect that your child is having similar problems, please visit the National Library of Medicine website for more in-depth information.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001924/
In middle school, I had fully come into my hot-headed temper. It truly didn’t help that my first ‘fight’ wasn’t my fault. I had happened to find the other “bad egg”, and when I tapped her on the shoulder for something falling out of her book bag, the response was to punch me in the face so hard that my glasses went flying. What was the justice for me not retaliating? No. We were both sent home with 3 days suspended, and it seemed like no one wanted to hear my side of the story. As an adult, I understand what happened, and I hope that woman never works in a school system ever again. What did I experience? A common problem in the school I attended: Regardless of innocence, both parties are guilty. It was easy to see what this teaches children of an impressionable age that if struck by another student, you are entitled to hit back, since you’re getting suspended regardless.
From this, whenever bullies presented themselves (and I was a great target back then), I would fight back. I wouldn’t always win, but I learned quickly how to not get caught. My fondest memory was giving a bloody nose to a boy who couldn’t admit that I, a girl, landed a good punch. This may sound cruel, but I’m still glad that I did it. He threw me into a locker for speaking with another boy, and I’m proud of my younger self for not allowing him to continue his possessive behavior. Seriously girls, If a guy thinks he can slam you into a locker, then you have a right to yourself to defend yourself. Never be a victim.
My tempers were random, and back then, I felt like everyone was against me. The only teachers I liked were the ones that didn’t start the year off expecting me to be a trouble maker. I can only remember 3 teachers that I would label as GREAT teachers, and I can barely remember their names. They encouraged creativity, and for that, I thank them. It’s nice to think that English class was my favorite subject, but my favorite subject in High School was my Social Studies (History) class. Mr. G was a young, funny, creative teacher who made history interesting for me. Despite the fact that I rarely paid attention DURING class, I enjoyed reading the material and getting A’s on his tests. It was too easy, and although I know that now, I should have taken his recommendation to take AP classes more seriously back then. I’m proud to say though, this class and not English class, encouraged my love of creative writing. Most of his tests had an extra credit section which normally ended up being a short story filling the entire back side. I had a talent for writing things in others perspectives, and I still have the short story I wrote about child labor in the Industrial age in the point of view of the children.
In school, I jumped from one long relationship, to another. It seems after 3 years, the tolerance people had for me dwindled until they found a replacement. (This is actually still a fear in my mind, but I’m happy to say that I’m at the 5 year mark and going strong.) I have been in both an emotionally abusive relationship and a physically abusive relationship, and I don’t believe any High School student should have to go through this alone. I can honestly say, that the only reason I left my last bad relationship, was because of my husband showing me that there CAN be another type of relationship. I was prepared for the physical abuse, but the emotionally abusive relationship took me for a spin.
I fit a great stereotype for the child of an alcoholic father. My father, who I care to only remember as the great man I used to know, has been suffering from alcoholism for quite a few decades now. I wish him all the best, but I also know how hard that journey is for him. As an adult, I’m thankful to have known him, and I continually wish for his well-being. However, this brings me to my next point…
If there is an alcohol problem in your house, HANDLE IT NOW. There is no hiding this from your children, and most children of alcoholics suffer from some type of depression eventually.
Believe me when I say, if you aren’t dealing with your own problems, your children will suffer.
As an adult, and barely one at that, I try to live my life with as much positive thinking as I can muster. This makes me come off as hyper and extroverted, but when ever I hit a low day that I can’t manage internally, it confuses people. Sure, I may break out in random jigs, but it’s just to get myself to smile. On a low day, I may not have as much patience as I normally do. If yesterday, I was fine waiting thirty minutes for something trivial, then on a low day, I will tearing my hair out at the 10 minute mark. This may come off as sporadic behavior to those that don’t know me very well, and I try my best to correct the behavior as it is happening, but I know this keeps me from being as social as I want to be.
If this happens to help someone, that would be fantastic! If no one reads this, that’s fine, too. I just needed to get this all off my chest, so to speak. Thank you for reading! It means a lot to me.
